Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Value, Part 2

Why Value, Part 2? Because I am working on value, my own, my work, my abilities. So many people don't know what they have, are unaware of their own value. I'm not so worried about all of them, but I am improving my own ability to see mine clearly. Ah, clairvoyance. Again, best used to see oneself clearly. There is a catch. You see, so what are you going to do about it?

As I work on all of this, what do I run up against but the energy that's been controlling how much I could have of what because my value was to be in service to others, not to want for myself. A damn lie! Amusingly, I've not been very amused about this. I'm changing that now. My goal is to laugh in the face of this invalidation, hahahaha take that!

I've had some pretty funny dreams lately. I love the dreams I have when going through huge transitions in my life, which has been pretty much the past 8 years straight. It seems everyone I've ever known is showing up to check in with me. Not all in one night, that would be exhausting. But individually, or in groups, they show up. As I am getting myself into present time, my past is showing up to remind me of things. It's fun. Sometimes I wonder before dropping off to sleep who's going to show up tonight.

Last night I was with my father and his father, who is deceased. There were a lot of people in a house, having a big party and dancing to Irish music. I was there, though not really participating or interacting. Just observing and enjoying the show. My grandfather was directing the dancing, which took place in the big front hall and up the staircase of a Victorian style house. Lots of exuberant energy. I liked the music, but I knew I was getting ready to leave this group.

As all of this is happening spiritually, I am very interested in making more abstract paintings. My work is changing, and as always happens when that is occurring, I don't know what the hell to paint and have to allow myself to play. Then suddenly, poof! It becomes clear. I clear, and can have fun creating again. I'm happily moving towards that now.

"Blackbirds" 2007 29"x29" at